ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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