I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
