I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
