You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
