I wish my penis had an off switch
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
