Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
