Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
