all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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