I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
