I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
