Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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