She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
These tits shall not be calmed
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
