hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
