just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
