Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltđ
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now sheâs a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. âHigh maintenance hotâ doesnât even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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