Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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