i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
