A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
are you so shy because you have an std?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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