I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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