Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
