The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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