Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
