____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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