so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
