i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
