She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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