i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
