i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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