meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Less talking, more tequila
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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