The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
