Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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