I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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