his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
