when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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