so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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