in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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