I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
