if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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