you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We are all done wearing pants today
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
