Cold hands, warm shart.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
