whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I forget how to act sober
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
