There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
