I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There's always time for handjobs
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
