I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
