wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
