then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
