I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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