Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
