It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
