Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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