remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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