sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
