he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
