There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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