Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
