proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
